Living in the Void

Hello world!

Since returning to Mongolia, for the past 6 weeks, I am living in the Void. In the beginning, the Void felt so uncomfortable, and as I know the importance of being present with my feelings, I didn’t try to escape it. Instead, I embraced it and I keep “sitting” in it. In one word, the Void is so “cheerless”, which is the polar opposite of my normal cheerful nature. And if it wasn’t for other people’s experience of the Void, I would almost think that something is terribly wrong with me. But I know better.

And this Void makes me have no strong desire or lasting motivation. So, largely because of that, I didn’t write a single blog post in the last four weeks even though I had all the time on earth. And as I write this post, I am feeling no inspiration or energy fueling the writing process. It feels like I am just going through the motion. So, as I am in no mental state to come up with original thoughts or creative surprises, I am just going to copy and paste other people’s thoughts and experiences on the Void, to which I am currently resonating with.

So here it goes. 2

  • Standing alone at the edge of the Void
    • The Void confronts us with a stubborn silence beyond our ability to escape or interrupt it. This Dark Night of encircling gloom is felt only as emptiness, vacancy, a wilderness with no oasis. No amount of self-esteem can over-ride or evade it. It is a condition   beyond conditions.
    • If anything works, it is not the Void. The terror in this spiritual panic attack is that nothing works to save us from the vacuum into which we have been thrown. The experience of the Void means no foothold, no handle on things, no end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel. It is not quite adequately described as aloneness, loneliness, emptiness, forsakenness, abandonment, desperation, isolation, or even despair. It is all of these at once!
    • To say that “nothing works” in the Void means that the mind, no matter how intelligent or functional, goes bankrupt when the chips are truly down. Its half measures avail nothing in the face of the true terror. The Void is the Sherlock Holmes who exposes the ego as the Great Pretender.
    • The ego is confronting its actual condition in the adult world: It has no real ground on which to stand securely. It is No-Thing. This is, paradoxically, the true meaning both of psychological panic and of spiritual awakening to egolessness. The panic about the Void dramatizes the inadequacy of ego and the spiritual destiny of ego to go beyond its power games and face its utter fragility. Such egolessness is a liberation into the larger truth about who we are.
    • The habits, bulwarks, dramas, relationships, addictions, and people that we gathered around us helped us stave off this ultimate moment of truth. They joined us in the game of avoidance of the Void, avoidance of full surrender of ego. But, all that is really collapsing here is the illusion of security. Only illusion can collapse. Our shell, our armor is being dismantled. Our true inner Self remains.
    • The Void is actually a special grace that takes us beyond the mind and its tricks. We can now confront our condition of aloneness instead of using so many consolations and distractions to protect ourselves from it.
    • The sense of inner emptiness is the experience of ourselves as the alchemical vessel of transformation. Thomas Merton said that “a deep existential anxiety crisis precedes the final integration of the Self.” The Void is the threshold to rebirth beyond fear.
    • The Void thus prompts a giant leap into finding out who we really are: We are love in the habit of fear. Now we see why we believed we had to maintain control: to avoid an encounter with the inner emptiness that fear disguised. To drop control and face our fear is to open the inner spaciousness that love designed.
    • We try so hard to avoid ever having to face the Void. Yet, to contain and relax into our own emptiness makes room for a deeply compassionate love to emerge.
  • Expanding consciousness – Encounters with the spiritual abyss 
    • My decent into a spiritual abyss was a combination of realizing that none of these things I was capable of manifesting were the source of true happiness and yet due to feelings of inner restlessness, boredom and physical/mental fatigue, I was unable to conjure up any amount of joy through resources held within. My experience of an existential void encompassed an overwhelming lack of desire for anything. Such experiences have made me incredibly aware of just how important it is to have some kind of desire if we are to move forward in life. Desire in all its forms is the driving force of life itself.
    • I’ve learned that a spiritual abyss is always a precursor to expanding consciousness. Interesting enough, I find this knowledge generally doesn’t make it any easier to be within the void. A spiritual abyss feels to me like a place of emotional and spiritual emptiness, where nothing in the physical world has the ability to thrill or entice.
    • “Nothing last forever, change is inevitable, consciousness is never stagnant.” These words can bring great comfort during a dip into the abyss.
    •  The void can be viewed as a plateau that most of us will come to at some point, while on our journey towards expansion of consciousness. It’s been my experience that when expanding consciousness, each level upwards has its own version of a void or spiritual abyss. Beyond the void is always the beginning of another spiral upwards to greater knowing of self and life, all of which are predicated upon new, fresh desire.
    • Acceptance of ‘no meaning’, ‘no point’, ‘no reason’, leads us towards the realization that as creative beings, it IS up to us to ascribe meaning and reason for being alive. This can be both scary as well as exciting, leave us feeling empty as well as powerful and often makes us feel alone while at the same time completely in control of the direction that our soul journey is taking.
    • Each trip into the spiritual abyss I’ve taken has left me a little stronger, a little freer and a whole lot more appreciative of the desires that eventually and inevitably seem to naturally rise up and out of me with a life of their own.
  • Don’t avoid the Void 
    • Many on the Ascension path come to a place or a rest stop in which they feel an emptiness, or a void.  It can manifest as sadness or depression or a feeling of nothingness, or loss.
    • This space is a natural part of the ascension process.  The temptation will be to do something to get out of it.  The temptation is to pull in some drama, either in the form of a relationship, or with your health or finances, or another issue.  But you find that’s just a distraction for facing the inevitable.  The void must not be avoided.  It is a time and space designed to bring you deeper into your true self.
    • Most of you reading this would agree that most people are running around, keeping themselves chronically busy, in order to justify their existence, or to avoid feelings.
    • So as difficult as it is, it is better to just welcome the void, which actually isn’t a void, in fact it is filled with activity.  Within the void there is an opportunity to really be with you.  It’s your soul calling to you, inviting you closer.  And when you become entangled with other issues, other people, you can’t find the clarity you need.
    • So dear fellow ascenders, if you find yourself in a void, bless it, oh, you can curse it too.  All feelings are allowed.  But recognize its significance for you on your spiritual path.  You have done nothing wrong.  It is a time of integration and regrouping.  It won’t last forever, but it will go more smoothly if you just go with it, don’t resist it.

So these are my notes and reading them comforts me. And it seems like the Void is where the God enters and dwells in me. So I embrace the Void dearly.

4026530-scripture-only-god-can-fill-the-void (1)

Vibe high!

Baira

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